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Facts
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When people talk of 'Holy Cheese', they don't mean cheese that has been blessed by the vicar and sprayed with holy water. They simply mean cheese with holes in it. However, blessed cheese has been proven to ward off evil spirits. Or garlic or something.
Napoleon kept rank Emental in his jacket. Hence the shifty look.
Before mobile phones were invented, people used Cheddar phones - moderately sized slabs of mature Cheddar interconnected by long lengths of string. This pioneering concept paved the way for the mobile phones we so readily take for granted today.
Never-heard-of-him-until-he-was-dead-but-now-all-over-the-news Soviet Agent Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned by a teapot, by some polonium and by a "mysterious object" if you read the Daily Mail, but no cheese was involved.
cheese is an existential construct and does not actually have any basis in the physical world
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Clumber Park
- Clumber Lake
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Once attractive pop princess but now loony knickerless tart Britney Spears has cut all her hair off in a tantrum because her favourite cheesemonger was all out of best mature cheddar. If she made a bit of an effort then she'd be welcome to share my cheese
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