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A ripe piece of Stilton can be used as an excellent contraception. If it kept in the pocket prior to mating, your partner will think you have a nasty fungal infection and then they won’t even touch you with a bargepole.
Red Leicester has a resonant frequency exactly the same as the frequency Kate Bush sings at. So, if you were to play Wuthering Heights to a piece of the cheese at approx 135 decibels, it will shatter into thousands of pieces.
There was a young girl from tblezi, who swallowed a bottle of squeezy. The start of her troubles was when she blew bubbles and so made her farts smell all cheesey.
Scientists in Grimsby have discovered a way of doing fascinating things with cheese...they will tell the world soon!
Loony hypnomentalist Paul McKenna has a book called I Can Make You Thin, though it should really be called You Can Make Me Rich. If instead he called his book I Can Make You Cheese then it would be both less cynical and less successful, but no more cheesy
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