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The Humber Bridge presently cost's £2.50 to cross, but the toll booths will accept any cheese over 100g... provided you are not a one eyed german who speaks with a lisp (but only on bank holidays) and have a cat made out of edam ( called gusset )
John Cleese would quite like to be known as Jack Cheese
Due to its high ceramide content, cheese inhibits the healthy growth of sperm. This is why the number of cheese lovers has been falling, decade on decade, since the invention of cheese in Elizabethan times.
During stays at Balmoral Prince Charles insists that his pillow is stuffed with Organic Silton warmed to exactly 34.5 deg C. Many years of experimentation has proved this to be the ideal cushioning temperature for the royal head.
A tasteless liquid 'pretender cheese' is used by some cinemas to make nacho chips soggy.
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